Tim was alone. After a full year of high school, he had friends now. His junior year was shaping up to be a good one. But nonetheless, he was alone. He chose to be alone. There was a nice spot in the large high school that no one really knew about.
Tim observed during drama class one day, that the auditorium doors on the right side of the house only latched shut at the top of the door. These doors opened to a main hallway. If no one was walking by, he could slide his student ID along the top of the door, hold the latch down, and get inside the auditorium.
However, he didn’t settle for a comfortable chair in the house. It was too dark. She loved the dark.
He walked away from the stage, up the aisles past the red upholstered seats, and towards the main entrance doors at the top of the house.
The house doors opened to a vestibule between the auditorium doors and a set of four doors that opened to the main foyer of Tim’s High School. The doors to the foyer were always locked. It was a perfectly protected space.
This protected hallway was made of glass, and the two-thirds right of the entrance doors arched about 40 feet further. Beyond the doors to the foyer, the vestibule hugged the rest of the house doors on one side, and on the other welcomed light through large windows that looked directly onto the main front lawn of the school.
For some reason, no one ever looked into these massive windows. People were so intent on walking to the front doors of the school – that it made the space perfectly private and social at the same time. It was an impressive find. In a high school with over 2,000 students, it was nearly impossible to find a place that truly felt yours. Tim did. And he could be alone without feeling alone. Best of all, she didn’t come here.
This sacred space was one of few places Tim had slowly but surely protected from the puppet. It took time. But if Tim found a place with lots of light, lots of people, where he could be quiet and at peace with himself – she would show up less. She bothered him there too, from time to time, but if he pulled her strings down enough, she would leave him alone. Besides, she had other places she could count on. She’d give him this. And Tim took it.
Tim would eat his lunch here. He would sit and read. He would pace the bright safety of the vestibule for the short 45 min lunch break, scouring over theater posters of past productions his high school had put on. He took his time at the Footloose poster. Tim’s older brother, Mark, did stage crew for that show. Towards the back of the photo you could see Mark smiling, wearing an inside-out black ACDC t-shirt. It was a real smile. Tim relished seeing his brother happy like this.
THE BELL RANG. TIM sat up from basking in the sun from the large windows. He felt recharged. He happily slumped his bag onto his shoulder and went to go meet up with his friends.
Tim relished forgetting about her for just a moment. He wished his whole life could feel that free.
Tim hadn’t rid himself fully of her yet. And though he knew her secrets, and the harm she intended him – he still ate the eggs. And Tim hated himself for it.
The poison didn’t take as potently in his blood. The Puppet decided to play the long game with Tim, she bothered him less frequently and settled for smaller doses.
Tim took pride in himself if she only appeared to him at night; waking him up with her sickening purrs. It felt like a victory to think that she could only get him to eat when he was weak and tired. Tim wanted to forget that he chose to do this. He felt more comfortable as a victim, less accountable for the damage he was doing to himself.
And the puppet didn’t care. Tim could think whatever he wanted — just as long as he ate.
But the puppet had become bold again, and started to slip back into more areas of his life. She seeped into his waking hours like water damage in a leaky home – subtly spreading its mold and mush.
And Tim hid it well. Even his discerning cousin, Kara, and his mom, Dianne, couldn’t see it on his face. Because it wasn't. Tim refused to let it take over every part of his life. He found a way to manage it enough, so it didn’t bleed into every part of his personality, thoughts, and interactions. When he ate the spider, he left it behind almost immediately. He would give the puppet that moment – but he wouldn’t give her the entire day.
This was bad. Tim was slowly splitting himself in two. The good Tim – and the bad Tim. And they didn’t talk much.
This was also good. It led to Tim having a lot more friends. He felt much more confident. He felt more in control of the puppet — knowing she was restricted to certain places and times. And he fought religiously to keep her there. Though not perfectly: he knew he lived in a more or less constant state of success in that regard. Now being one of those times that leaned more towards less perfect.
These thoughts and more rushed through Tim’s mind as he sat in his car alone, waiting for Kara. The delightful effects of the spider slowly trickled out of his body, just as Kara walked out of the side school doors towards Tim’s new car. Tim ditched his guilt and hopped out of the car to open the door for her.
TIM DROVE HOME FROM school with Kara almost every day. She sometimes stayed after for theater rehearsals.
After two summers as a lifeguard, Tim and his mom managed to scrounge around enough money to pay for another car.
Kara could see Tim was deep in thought again. “Wanna watch a movie later?” She asked. Tim was grateful she didn’t ask how he was. Tim was honest now. “Yeah, we’ll see.” Tim replied honestly.
“No worries if not,” Kara said genuinely. “Cool.” Tim replied.
“Can I play some music?” Kara offered as they pulled out of the parking lot. “Yeah,” Tim replied as he unplugged the aux from his phone and handed it over. Tim quickly pulled the cord back from Kara, and handing her his phone said, “actually use my phone. I forgot you don’t have Spotify Premium.” Kara chuckled and took his phone. Tim enjoyed how easy it was to make her laugh.
“Okay, this is one of my favorite songs right now — quickly becoming probably my favorite.” Kara said excitedly. “Really?” Tim replied sincerely interested, “Dope.”
Vienna Waits for You, by Billy Joel, finished playing as they pulled into Kara’s neighborhood. Tim paused hoping Kara would share with him why she liked the song. Tim knew if he launched in with his thoughts, it was less likely Kara would share hers. In spite of Kara’s efforts to be confident, her bullies – and a naturally gentle personality – instilled in her a very real shyness that was hard to shake.
After a kind and patient pause, Kara spoke gently, “The song just makes me think of my future kids and husband. I remember first hearing this song a couple weeks ago. It was just after everything that happened in drama with Mr. Dupin. It helped, you know?” “Yeah, that’s good.” Tim replied, taking a second to connect eyes, letting her know he heard her.
Mr. Dupin was excluding Kara from certain numbers in the show choir, and Kara wanted to believe it wasn’t pointed. It got to the point a couple weeks ago where it was getting hard to pretend anymore.
Mr. Dupin really liked Tim, however. He asked Tim to be in the winter play, Hamlet. He felt he would have a knack for Shakespeare. If Mark was still around — and learned that Tim was doing Shakespeare — he would’ve never let him live it down. The thought made Tim laugh.
Though part of him was genuinely interested in trying something like that, another part of Tim couldn’t stand succeeding in that way.
Kara wanted to play Ophelia.
They both kind of knew she wouldn’t get it — the way things were going with Mr. Dupin. But she hoped for it anyway.
Tim felt like getting a role like Hamlet would basically be rubbing all that pain and rejection in her face even more. Tim felt there was no way something like that wouldn’t end up hurting Kara immensely. Hurting Kara was the last thing Tim would ever want.
TIM DROPPED OFF KARA, then arrived home. He was alone in the house playing Minecraft for a while. When his mom, Dianna, came home from work, Tim downloaded his day with her over a bowl of Frosted Mini Spooners.
She had also had a good day.
Tim finished his homework and felt really good about it. He had started early on his research project, and thoroughly enjoyed what he had learned. He chose to write a paper about War of the Worlds for his American History class. He was stunned so many people actually believed the radio play was an emergency broadcast.
As Tim ate his dinner, Dianna’s vacant stare after each bite told him she was lonely. Tim canceled his plans with Kara and watched The Last of the Mohicans with his mom instead. Kara, to her word, didn’t worry. She assumed that when Tim said no to her invites, that he must be up to something good. She was often right.
As the credits rolled, Tim picked out the last of the M&M’s from his mom’s popcorn bowl. This was her favorite movie. “‘I’m not an invalid school-girl’” she said, with her best Cora impression, as she wiped a cold tear from her eye.
“How’re you doing ma?” Tim asked. Dianna breathed a heavy sigh. “I hate it when he’s here, and I hate when he isn’t,” she confessed.
Tim understood. Tim’s dad, Richard, had been separated from his mom for almost two years now. Tim even missed him sometimes. They occasionally had lunch together at Panda Express. However, every time they did, Tim couldn’t wait for it to be over.
“Enough about me though, my life is boring. How are you doing?” Dianna asked.
Tim didn’t want to talk about dad. And he knew she didn’t want to talk about the puppet. She was willing — but didn’t want to. Even though she knew this was a part of Tim’s life, she wasn’t so sure about inviting it into their relationship. She was afraid her disappointment wouldn’t help Tim. So she chose to hope he was doing good. She felt that Tim knew she was there for help, and if he really needed it, he would ask for it.
“I’m worried about Kara. She really wants this role in the play, and I just know Mr. Dupin, and I know how petty he can be.” Tim confessed.
Dianna nodded her head in agreement, “I was talking with aunt Linda today — she feels the same way. I’m proud of Kara for trying though. That girl deserves all the good in the world.”
The two sat in their compassion and pain for a moment.
“Are you going to try out for it? Hamlet, right?” Dianna asked. “Yeah” Tim said through a sigh, “maybe. Probably not though … it’s just complicated, you know?”
Dianna put her hand on Tim’s leg reassuringly, “you’re a good kid.” She said with finality as she rose from the couch, “I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”
“And you’re a good mom.” Tim retorted readily. “You’re sweet. Are you going to sleep in your room tonight?” Dianna asked. Tim had made a habit of falling asleep in the family room to a movie for the past while. “We’ll see,” Tim said through a chuckle.
TIM PUT ON THE behind-the-scenes of The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey. It was a toss up between We Bought A Zoo, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, and Ratatouille. The Appendices won out because he could hit ‘Play All,’and it would go on for hours.
Tim fell asleep.
Soon after he woke to the sound of purring.
The puppet stood in the corner, eyes reflecting the bright screen. Tim’s skin radiated heat and his heart began pounding.
“They think you’re so good don’t they?” The puppet chuffed.
She no longer tried to mask her darker voice. Her wood had begun to crack, and the pink paint peeled from it. Tim drunkenly stared back into her pale white eyes, and fought for a moment to see the strings. He knew he needed to try and pull them down. The longer she stayed, the more likely he was to fail. But the yearning for that feeling took over, and Tim simply put out his hand.
The puppet walked over to him, realizing he wouldn’t be pulling her strings down tonight.
Tim closed his eyes as she placed the egg in his hand. “If they only knew who you really were. What you really did.” The puppet said casually, as the egg began crackling.
“Shut up.” Tim said as he put the spider into his mouth and bit down deliciously. The euphoria and warmth of the spider's potent injection flowed through his body.
“See you soon, Tim,” the puppet said as it faded back into the darkness.
Tim told himself she wouldn’t. That this was the last time. Tim believed it too. He turned over, pulled his blanket back over his shoulders, and fell asleep as the fading warmth mixed with the coldness of the guilt in his stomach. He breathed a heavy sigh while the wrinkles of his brow pined for peace, pressed firmly in disappointment.
Just before falling asleep Tim whispered to himself softly, “I’m trying out for Hamlet.”
KARA HELPED TIM PREPARE a monologue for the audition. Shortly after the list was posted.
“You got it Tim!” Kara said excitedly.
Tim skimmed past ‘Hamlet — Tim Anderson’, and scanned the list for Kara’s name. Tim’s heart sank as he read, ‘Gravedigger 1 — Kara Dougherty’
He looked at her with disappointment in his eyes, but intent on not exposing her pain to others standing nearby.
Kara looked up sweetly. It meant a lot to have someone like Tim in her life, who really saw her. Kara smacked the page with her hand and said in a twangy southern accent, “I’m gonna be the best darn gravedigger this school has ever seen.”
The two walked away. Kara under Tim’s arm. Tim confessed lightheartedly, though earnestly, “I’m going to desperately need your help memorizing these lines.”
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