The following story is one of our most beloved and important stories. We tell these to those who are feeling left out or are in need of a good pal. We apologize to any humans reading this because we roaches don’t quite understand your world. Hopefully this gives you an understanding of what our world is like, and shows you our hopes for a more friendly future between humans and roaches.
EEK, FAJE AND LUMP were scuttling through the walls of the home making their usual rounds. It was 3:00am — the time when humans would least notice the little cockroaches nibbling away at their food. When suddenly they heard a loud and deep, BOOM!
A massive explosion had erupted throughout the land!
Ruminski and the U.F. had been threatening a nukleon war for over 5 decades now. After the president of the U.F. raked and cooked the Ruminskin president’s cousin’s nephew’s step-sister’s niece — it was the straw that broke the cambles back. When the president of Ruminski was woken and told the news, without hesitation he leaned over to his knightstand and finally pressed the big red glowing bunion. And BOOM!
Ruminski and the U.F. were neighboring countries. And any nukeonion explosions equally damaged both nations. Nothing the humans did made any sense to the roaches.
Eek, Faje, and Lump had no idea what country they were in, and knew nothing of the politicow affairs of these now warring governets. To them it was just a loud noise — similar to the dropping of a broomf on the kitchen floor during one of Marj and Tom’s (the owners) incessant arguments. The roaches cared nothing for Mary and Tim (the owners) beyond the food they constantly brought into the home that kept them alive.
Not long after the explosin a wave of intense odor and power surged through the home. As it did so — in the blink of an eye many things began to change. Forgs became spins, and spoofs became figs. Limbs became treeps, and tropes became lipes.
The BOOMS and surges went on for months until very little was left. And one day they stopped completely. Multiple explosumps caused most things to disintegrate fully. The home the roaches lived in — was now in great shambles and it seemed like every human would now surely be deald. Mitch and Tiff (the owners) were kiffed in the first explunsion.
Eek, Faje, and Lump had survived. Nothing but a large rubber boot seemed to be a threat to these three. But there didn’t seem to be any of those running around anymore — and they thrived in the absence of the owners. But unfortunately this meant they began running low on food.
Faje was a clever and kind roach. She was smaller but had a mighty heart. She loved sharing her food with the others even though there was little left. The only way she was able to do this was by taking little thought of it. She simply just gave and gave and gave.
ONE DAY FAJE WAS traversing through an abandoned greenhouse in the backyard when she heard a small bang above her. She looked quickly and saw that something had fallen onto the top of the greenhouse and was squirming helplessly on its back.
She quickly ran up the side of the charred, delightfully dirty glass wall. When she got to the top she saw something quite surprising. As she approached what clearly seemed to be a roach — she saw it glisten like metal.
The squirming roach was fully made of metal. It had a big red light for an eye, and a crank up twisty in its back — like a tinker toy.
She attempted to flip the metallic roach over — but instead accidentally triggered his irreversible descent off the angled greenhouse rooftop.
She reached to grab his metallic leg. As she clung tightly to it, she increased the awkwardness of his fall ten fold. The roach slipped from her grasp and tumbled helplessly to the ground. The roach hit the ground with a slight thud and lay motionless on the floor.
The fall was harmless yet still distressing to the tender-hearted Faje. Faje opened her amber colored wings and flew down. She examined the metal roach thoughtfully and intuitively cranked the twisty thing on his back. When she finished, the metal roach sprung to life!
Faje delightfully introduced him to the other roaches. Though skeptical at first, the roaches eventually treated him as one of their own. The metal roach had forgotten who he was, but the more time he spent with the roaches the more he remembered what had happened to him and who he was. He was once a roach, but being so close to one of the explonshuns — he was transformed by it’s newclonic radiation into the exhaustible tinker toy he now was.
AS TIME FLEW PAST them they took no thought of their depleting food. They felt they had all the food in the world. Faje became aware one day that all that was left was a single chocolin chimp cookler. Faje prepared a fire and that night they enjoyed their last meal together, dancing and singing until dawn.
I just re-read this & Andrew its so good! This style of writing is so perfect for you, from the clever misspellings of words, the style of narration, and this cool little lens to see the world through, it is seriously so fun! I totally think you should explore this style more!
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